why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found puke in my bra..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
