Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
