drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
should my penis look like a turkey
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
