not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm at about main and main street
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
