New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize