Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
