Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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