like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
