I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
