Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is wine microwaveable?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
