i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
