their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
