I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
