Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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