Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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