I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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