I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
