I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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