Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
