You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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