I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize