Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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