You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
