Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
