Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
