My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
