What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
