I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
