Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
