stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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