He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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