im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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