Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
