i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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