so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
