got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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