Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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