i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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