I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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