he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
