I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
