shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
