Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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