just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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