I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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