you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
