Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
