the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
