Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
