What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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