So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize