He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
