i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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