Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
tell me about the eggs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
