remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
