My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
