HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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