I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
