i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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