Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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