jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
