I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
