ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
