Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
