Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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