you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
