I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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