yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize