He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The Olympian is in my bed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
