Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
