I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
