bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
