im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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