I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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