I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
