Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
